Stories from a life in progress.

An exercise in logic

One of my reoccurring struggles is wondering what I am good for.  It often starts with struggling to find new writing work, but the idea quickly tips over into wondering about my worth as a whole.

It's hard to fight against, this wondering about worth.  I can see that other people are valuable by what they do and who they are, but I don't see myself as being very valuable.

I had a thought that draws me up short in regard to not believing in my worth.  A small exercise in logic, if you will.

Am I the only valueless person in the world?  Hardly likely.  Why would I be special in that regard?

If I'm not the only one, then there are more valueless people around me.  More than a few.  Maybe as many as half.  Maybe more.

If that is true, then I know other valueless people.  They are represented among my kind readers, among my own family and friends.  Who are they?

I review names in my head.  I imagine faces, dear faces and voices, all of the beautiful things my people are doing and are capable of.  If I am of no value, then some of these dear people are too.

This is a logical outcome of my assumption that I am valueless.  I need to accept that other people, including some of the people I love most dearly are also valueless ... or I need to conclude the assumption is untrue.

Maybe the value I see in the people I know lives in every single person.  Which means it lives in me too.

Which means I am not worthless.

Which means I have something to offer.

Which means there are skills and ideas in me which are worth working on and working toward.

I can't have it both ways.  If I devalue myself, then I must logically devalue other people -- and I probably am already, in ways I'm not aware of.

But if I want to value other people, every other person, then I have to also acknowledge value in myself.  Whether or not I can see it clearly and whether or not I am able to connect to it emotionally.  No matter what I feel, truth goes on being true.

I'm not valueless.