Blog

Stories from a life in progress.

Dithering

I've been dithering.  I'm starting to annoy even myself with it.

Over the last month, you see, I've been ... not thinking about, but dithering over what kind of writing work to pursue.  The writing work I've been doing for pay doesn't cut it for me in any kind of satisfying creative way, and if I ever want to make a living at writing I need something that IS creatively satisfying, or else I may as well just go work at a grocery store or something.

One big point of dithering is whether or not I should start a second blog, to pursue Christian devotional writing.  It's one area which I have been interested in for a long time but which I haven't put any work into for ages -- I had forgotten about it for months, actually, until someone reminded me it was a thing I used to do.  But I don't know where to put those sorts of articles, if they will fit here or if I want to put them in another space.

Do you know how much mental energy I've wasted on this question, of whether or not I should start a second blog?  I don't have a hookamajig to measure the expenditure of mental energy, but if I did I bet I'd be able to report to you that the wastage has been shocking.

Because I've been dithering, I haven't gotten any real work done.  I haven't been writing "ordinary" blog articles, I haven't been writing devotional blog articles, I haven't been doing research into that market to see what's there to explore, I haven't been doing ANYTHING USEFUL.  Just dithering, with no progress.  It's made me sick.  I've been depressed and mopey and ridiculous for weeks, because of dithering.

I dither to let myself off the hook of taking action.  It's a terrible fear-based perfectionist trait; I want to know what the perfect answer is before I start, but I have no experience to guide me, so I dither instead of digging in.  It doesn't work, it never works, but it's an old standby avoidance technique of mine and it's been throwing me off again.

Stoppit, me.

I've started writing new devotional articles.  I have no idea where they will live yet.  They may go up here for a while until I see if I want to keep doing them.  They might go on a different blog on this site, or on a completely different domain.  Who knows.  Your guess is as good as mine right this very minute.  But I'm going to write and post and figure it out as I go.  Clueless flailing is more productive than dithering, so pardon me if I flail for a while.  But at least it's not dithering.