Stories from a life in progress.


I don't usually edit my journal writing.  Perfected text is not what journaling is for, not for me.

Today, though, I did edit my journaling.  Not after I wrote it down, before I ever put it on paper.

The day didn't start out well, with realizing I had a sinus headache and a tweak in my back before I ever crawled out of bed.  The back was totally minor, just needed a stretch, but the headache is not as quick to move on.  

From the very start, journaling was going to be bad.  I knew it.  I was already composing the paragraphs in my head before I ever uncapped my pen:  Woke up with a headache.  It's going to make today even harder.

For whatever reason, I had a moment of awareness about it.  I don't know the reason so I will just call it grace.  I know that my journaling can make a big difference to my mental state, that my choice of words and attitude can shift how I think and feel.  I don't always remember it, but today I did.

So I pre-edited my paragraph.  A headache is worth a brief mention as a historical point of note, but no more than that.  I wrote that I don't have any paying work scheduled yet for this week, but that gives me more time to work on projects I have imagined for myself.  I said that it would be really nice to feel like I've made some progress at the end of this week, because that feeling has been notably absent lately and I'd like to get it back.

There are challenges in there; I'm not trying to ignore them.  But I am trying to balance them.  Problems and opportunities walk in close relationship with each other.

My mental-emotional state runs my life into the ditch more often than it should.  Today I managed to remember, just for a second, that I have some choice about that.  I'm editing my story a little; editing my thinking, editing my feeling, and then editing my actions.  It may not make an enormous difference.  But neither will it mean nothing at all.