Following the anxiety day that was yesterday, today is a down-in-the-dumps day. I did at least sleep last night (more than I can say for the night before), but I am still low in energy and can tell I'm depressed.
Just surviving an anxiety day isn't enough. Remember how I said there's almost always some stressful, anxiety-producing thing behind it? The only way to really beat the anxiety is to deal with the anxiety-producing thing. In this case, the anxiety-producing thing is a doozy.
In my experience so far, the only way to really beat anxiety is to change: change personally, and change situations. I think this time I'm up for some of both. What I'm actually going to have to do is trade one set of anxiety-ridden parameters for a different set of anxiety-ridden parameters. The difference is that the first set is paralyzing, and the second set represents active choices toward (I hope to goodness) a better future.
I'm sorry I am vague, but I don't believe it is right to speak freely about my parameters yet. I'm not even sure what else I have to say about them, or why I am writing about it at all, since I am not going to be more specific.
I guess I want to stick a pin in the map here and say out loud that I'm trying to make good change happen, however it turns out.
And I guess I also want to say ... I feel like I'm jumping into empty space here, and I really hope Jesus catches me on this one. I don't know what he has in mind. I know he is both present and trustworthy, even though I have problems with trusting him still. So I'll put a pin here too: however this turns out, I'll write about it, and whatever Jesus does, I'll write about that too.