Blog

Stories from a life in progress.

Underhanded so-and-so

Yesterday I spent a lot of time thinking and planning for changes I want to make, work changes and personal changes.  I had plans and schemes and goals.  I started taking first steps in some of the things.

I was tired (and fairly tense, though I tried not to notice it) when I went to bed.  In the middle of the night I woke up with the beginnings of a massive sinus headache.  In trying to ease the sinus headache I upset my stomach, and several hours of misery ensued.

Part of the massive headache is due to weather changes happening in my area today.  But I think part of it is tension and anxiety, and I think it's in reaction to getting serious about change.

This morning, as I'm starting to feel better, I confess I am intrigued.

Fear is an underhanded so-and-so.  This is well known.  Fear plays dirty and it doesn't pull punches.  It WILL kick you when you're down, if it thinks you have the slightest intention of getting back up.

With these latest tricks ... it almost feels like fear is getting desperate.  The more strongly I intend and work on change, the harder it kicks.  It wrecked my night and it wrecked at least some of the work I planned on doing today.  But I'm starting to see through it.  It can make me feel miserable but it can't actually stop me.

I think fear is becoming afraid of me.