There's a line from a song from my favorite band, which is on my mind a lot lately:
What I need is for you to be the thing that I need.
It fits with my personal experience at the moment, and everything I'm learning this year about the extension of grace and acceptance of grace. One of the real things I need from God is for God to be the thing that I need.
This is one of the places where there's a significant difference between head-knowledge and heart-knowledge. My head is clear on the fact that I need God most deeply. My heart gets pulled on by so very many other things. It's easy to be distracted away from the thing I need most. When my need for God is merely a fact in the head, it's not strong enough. It needs to be a reality in my heart too, a reality of my emotional and experiential life.
John Donne also talks about this when he writes:
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
This is one of my recurring prayers lately, and will continue to be: Please help me need you, Jesus. Help me feel the lack when I get distracted and don't spend time with you. Help me feel the love when I focus myself again on you, through prayer and reading your words. Help me notice how very differently my life feels when I depend closely on you, compared to when I depend merely on myself.
Jesus, I need you most and deepest. I need you to be the thing that I need.