Blog

Stories from a life in progress.

Ashamed

Scroll a short way back through my blog posts, and you will see that earlier this fall I made a start on learning Greek letters in advance of, possibly, learning classical Greek.

You can also see that the last time I wrote about it was on the first of October, and I can't tell you exactly when was the last time I worked on it.  I got distracted at some point and forgot to keep going.

I called it, in that very first post.  This is what I said:

"Not that I really know what I'm doing; I haven't studied any language for decades and I don't know if I have the time or patience to learn one from scratch now.  Plus I know myself well enough not to trust any new determination outright.  I have new ideas all the time.  Every week something else feels like a new and important thing I should pursue.  Not everything sticks.  I don't know if this will.
"But I still want to try.  I'd still like to do something."

See?  I forgot.  I half expected I would.

Today is the hard part for me, the part where I remembered that I was working on something and dropped it halfway, which I do so often, and which I feel ashamed about.  I wish I were one of the kinds of people who decides what to do and then carries through, even when it takes a long time or a lot of work.  Those people get somewhere in life, you see.  They're the ones who accomplish stuff -- big, impressive stuff.

I am very often not that kind of person.

But, I'd still maybe like to learn Greek.

Right now is the hard part, the choice which comes hard to me.  I can feel ashamed of losing track of (yet another) intention and put all of this away so I can hide from that feeling, or I can get out my worksheets and guides to learn the next letter.  Ashamed of myself or not.