Blog

Stories from a life in progress.

What's it gonna be?

So far, the part I dislike most about the new job is the waiting.

Every morning the list of the day's work comes out.  It arrives sometime in the late morning, after 10:30 but before noon.  There are multiple writers waiting for the list, so if I want to claim any of the work, I feel like I need to make sure I see the list as soon as I can. 

Which means, I end up looking at my email and refreshing my screen a lot between 10:30 and noon.  And not really doing much else.  And worrying that there won't be any work and I'm not going to make any money and pay off my bills and save anything and have an independent financial life again.

This is the reality of my work right now, and my heart is inclined to complain and be grumpy and fussy about it.  Which makes everything better.  (Sarcasm.  We has it, precious.)

Instead of being grumpy, I'm reminding myself that this is the job I signed up for, and  that if I want to do freelance work, it's probably not going to be as regular as I am used to work being.  Which is both good and bad; which means, it's actually neither good nor bad.  It's situational.  It's up to me to choose how I look at it and how I make use of it.

If I feel like I'm wasting time waiting for input from someone else, it's not someone else's fault.  It's my fault for not learning how to make better use of the time spent waiting.

One of the things I hated the most about working in a traditional eight-to-five job was the feeling that my time was not my own, and in a really dumb way.  That counting time was supposed to be the same as counting work, and it simply wasn't.  The two things are not at all the same when it comes to doing brain work, creative work.

I don't punch a time clock anymore, not even a metaphorical one (which was all I did at the old traditional job).  I have freedom to use my time as I see fit.  I can invest it in work or invest it in rest or invest it in growing, or I can complain about "having to wait around."  I can get frustrated and sulk, or I can take my frustration as a pointer toward something I need to change, and then change it.  It's up to me.

What's it gonna be, Crispy?  Sulk or change?

When I put it like that, there really isn't any question.  Sulking is stupid.  I'm going to make some changes.