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Stories from a life in progress.

No balance, no words

Right now I feel like my life has no balance.  I wobble back and forth from one urgency to another, and sometimes plop down in a heap where I am and just stay there for a while, like a squidgy mess, and then start wobbling again.

Why is it that the most vital things are the hardest to do?  This morning I was starving hungry, and all I wanted to do was write in my journal.  Because I keep missing my journal time, and I miss it and it hurts me not to have it.  I had time free, and I wanted to scribble.  But I was so hungry, I didn't have anything to say.  Except "I'm really hungry and I wish I wasn't."

It burns me too that I'm all but ignoring this blog, and also ignoring other writing I want to do.  My 150-day blogging challenge is in shambles.  I'm very far behind.  I don't have anything that feels very useful to say today, I'm just tired of not posting.  I'm tired of not getting to MY words, because I'm writing other words, or doing other things completely, or worried about the thing my body is doing now, or worried about something else.

I don't have a lot to say today.  But I'm not going to say NOTHING, yet again.  I miss using my own words.  I miss having a sense of balance.  I don't know how to get either of them back right now.  I just want them back soon.