You know what actually happened today? The thing I can barely even stand to admit to myself?
I didn't fail. I ran away. I became so afraid of what would happen if I did a terrible job at this new thing that I pulled myself out to avoid it. I couldn't even engage with the project anymore. I couldn't even try, because I talked myself into being too afraid.
It's still all about rejection, you see. I won't risk letting someone else reject me. I'll run away first. And that's exactly what I just did. Let down myself and my new company, because I got scared of being rejected and ran away.
I am so upset and angry right now, I don't know what to do with it. Go punch a tree, maybe. Chew on rocks. Yell at a squirrel. And then yell at myself.