Since Wednesday morning I've been working on a pilot project for the new company. Something they haven't done before, something I haven't done before. Something which is related to their work, but far outside of my previous experience.
Several writers received the invitation to try it out. I have no idea why I got to be one of them, because I had only corresponded with people at the company for a couple of days. No idea why they thought I might be a good fit.
I told them I have no idea how to do this project. I'll have to learn it all from scratch, I said. I'm willing to give it a try, but I might just make utter hash of it all. They added me in anyway.
I'm beginning to fear I was right. My work is not going to be any good. So far I've put a ton of effort into learning, but none of it has turned into production. Right this minute, I have no idea how to start writing a real report, the one due the middle of this coming week. I simply don't even know.
I'm so tired and demoralized, I can't think straight. I have been afraid from the start, the first day when I had trouble understanding the initial documents and information, that I wouldn't figure it out in time. I'm still afraid, and more afraid every day that I'm going to fail. I will have no deliverable, or only a shabby, incomplete thing that I would be ashamed to submit for actual payment.
One of the earliest things I produce for my new employers is very likely going to be a failed attempt. What happens then? I don't know.
I don't even know.