All right, all right. I'm stalled.
I keep thinking things like "I need to write a post for the blog," followed by vague worrying about writing because I don't know where to start back in. I don't know what to say next, because the conversation's been broken and I'm never very good at those moments when conversation stops.
Most other things are stalled too. I haven't been keeping up with any of my personal projects, the ones which felt so important not very long ago, when I was making progress and I had plans and was moving along toward FINISHED, that vital word with so much weight in my spirit that I have to give it extra weight on the page. I'm not making much progress toward FINISHED anywhere. It's all doldrums. The Dread Middle, everywhere I look.
It's frustrating. It saps all the life out of me.
I can't say I haven't gotten anything done, because I have. I've had a sequence of small freelance jobs this month, which is pretty awesome but which has inadvertently caused this other problem, where I've lost the threads of everything I had underway before I landed those jobs. I'm so well-trained to work when other people tell me what to do, not work out of my own volition. When I temporarily had someone else giving me instructions, I forgot all about the things I wanted to do myself. Even when I had in-between time to do them. Now the externally-designated jobs are over, and honestly I needed a break -- they landed in a quite busy and sometimes fraught pair of weeks, and I was starting to succumb to anxiety symptoms again from the tension of it all. I needed to stop and breathe for a spell. But now I've had my break, and I'm still stalled, and I don't want to be.
I actually know what the answer is, but I have to remind myself anyway. It's an answer that never feels right, even when I know it's true. It takes me a while to push myself to take this answer seriously and get on with it. Mostly because it's an answer I don't like very much.
The answer is to START SOMETHING.
If I don't know what to start, pick anything and start it.
If I don't know where the right place to start is, then risk starting at the wrong place. If I don't have anything clever or meaningful to write about, then write something stupid.
Do ANYTHING. But do SOMETHING. Just start.