I’m still mulling some things over connected to yesterday’s post, and this morning made a point of using up some ink and a few pages in my current notebook in order to think it over. I uncovered a few weird glitches in my normal programming regarding what I choose to do and what I consider important, but the primary one for today is about taking the time for using up ink and notebook pages for personal writing at all, along with taking the time to read something in my bible and pray, which generally happens at the same time (those things often all run into each other). I realized that I consider notebook writing/bible reading/praying to be a daily chore that I ought to do, but then when I actually sit down to do it, I feel like I’m getting something out of the way so that I can go on with my real work for the day. Which doesn’t make any sense at all. Either that time is important in its own right – or else I shouldn’t waste my time doing it.
Having the wrong perspective about my personal time to write my own thoughts and talk to God always leads me in the same direction. No matter how much clarity I have, how much purpose about what I need to do, it always fades away and leaves me nervous and confused. The more days I go without checking in spiritually and emotionally with myself and my Father, the more helpless I feel and the less I manage to do. The time I take every day to write just for myself and to pray is not a loss. Much to the contrary, I get so much more done and I better remember why those things are important when I take time out regularly to just sit, and think, and listen to myself, and then talk with God about what I discover.
Today is going to be fairly rushed, I’ve got appointments and obligations this afternoon and evening that will cut into my productive time. But for today at least, I’m not feeling pinched by it. The most important things have gotten done, and first on the list was taking time out for me and God.