I made this space for standing up -- to write about whatever is going on with me here, hoping it would help other people stand up to what is going on for them. What do you do, though, when the stories you are living are ones you can't bring yourself to tell, or won't because they aren't all yours?
Yesterday was unexpectedly hard, and I won't talk about why because it isn't my story. Today I have things I should do, and I'm not sure I can face up to doing them, and I can't bring myself to write about them.
I'm tired and sad this morning. I'm weary and demoralized. I only dragged myself out of bed halfway to noon, and the only thing I really want to do is go back there. Nothing I have to work on seems important. Nothing I need to do for myself is compelling -- eating and drinking and looking after basic needs.
So I don't know what today is for, either for doing in the moment or in the larger plan. If resting is all I can do, maybe resting is a noble enough purpose, in preparation for another, better day to come. Maybe there's nothing I need to figure out and nothing I have to do. Maybe sitting in a heap will just be good enough, and maybe tomorrow will be different. Maybe it will.